I learned an important lesson about relationship over the weekend. That sometimes, once beaten doesn’t mean you are free from the second beating. Sometimes, you need to get knocked twice or ran over a few times before you actually understand how dangerous it is to make a dash across the road while the light is green. it is not because you could not get enough of bone fractures or disentagled limbs in your life. Or, in my case- you wanted to test your immunity to heartbreaks. Sometimes, you just have to. So that you see things clearer.
When a man close to me reminded me of our early agreement that we are to stay friends no matter what and I questioned the sincerity of his words because his actions went beyond the “friends-tagline”, all hells broke loose. He defended his affectionate attitude, display of jealousy or overly gentleman demeanour as his way to mend our rough relation before we reconciled. “I did the best I could to make up for the rough time I gave you before”, He said.
When we rewind back to those “rough times” he mentioned, the bad experience he gave me was his rejection of my love. I question the integrity of his decision in reconciling and treating me more “romantic” than before. Obviously, he thought a casual one month cooling off period would make me get over him and then we could start all over again and he could cozy up to me again because his verbal assurance was enough to validate his intimate actions that most men would spare for their couples as “friendly”.
And the whirlwind of emotion started all over again. I was confused with his words and treatments. Let’s not forget his killer stare. and before I could swim back to the last spot I stood on my firm ground of reality, I was drowned again in his bona fide plan to “make up to me”. And when he was finally pushed to a corner that night, when I finally have the guts to demand him to take responsible for causing me this pain again for the second time, he invoked the “you are my best friend and I left my comfort zone for you” argument. By the way, I used the comfort zone argument against him 5 minutes before him. How unoriginal.
Is he naive? Nope. I dropped that justification because he dated before and I believe he understands the significance of body language in relationship.
The painful truth is-
I WAS BLIND. FOR THE SECOND TIME.
It was good that I got my wake up call the second time or else, I would struggle with my own dilemmas on what is actually wrong with our relationship. To men out there that think they are doing a great favour by offering better treatment to women after you reject them, hold your horses. Better does not means more intimacy. Better means drawing the boundaries firmly. I am sorry for losing an acquaintance but I felt more pathetic for thinking that he is turning into a new leaf all this while. Well, I am slightly revengeful but to reduce my stress for plotting evil plans, I let fate take its own course. Amin.
